I've snapped

I snapped today.

And I finally was able to cry. I’ve needed to have a good cry for months now and just haven’t been able to

I promise I’m not as negative and angry as this post will make me sound. In reality, my life is wonderful and exciting and bright and I have many many many many blessings. I have the most amazing family. I have some really fantastic friends. I have so many opportunities in front of me. It has just been a long semester.

I’m irritated with doctors who don’t really care about helping you to feel better, they just want your money. I feel like I am permanently car sick and have a constant headache. I’m tired all the time, regardless of if I get 5, 7, or 9 hours a sleep. My bones ache so bad sometimes that I can’t fall asleep. The doctors have no interest in helping me find out why, but they sure do want my money. Go to your primary care physician first Andrea, then come to us, then we will send you to someone else who might actually know what he/she is talking about but really will just look at one thing and if that isn’t it just pretend like you were never even a patient and give up. Oh and give us your money. Maybe I’m just a crazy, drama-queen hypochondriac. Or maybe something is wrong.

I’m super bugged by my program. There are SO many professors who are supposed to be helping me become a competent physical therapist, who are lovely individuals with so much to offer I’m sure, but who can’t teach worth crap. There is so much busy work given that is so amazingly useless that takes away from time I could use to learn something that is important for me to know! There is so much information that we are not being taught and we need to be. But instead we have classes that spend 15 minutes defining the word “recreation”. And the thing that gets me the most is WE ARE NOT LEARNING HOW TO TREAT PEOPLE. They talk about prevalence in the population, they talk about the pathology (which is very good to know too), but they are not teaching us how to actually treat things! I can tell you all kinds of things about Cerebral Palsy, except how to treat a patient with it. I know tons about the anatomy of the wrist, but I only know the very basics about treating someone with a wrist issue. It need to be taught how to diagnose problems and I need to know the anatomy, and they are doing a fine job with that, but it does not help me if I don’t know what to do from there since I am going to be a PHYSICAL THERAPIST! They need to stop making me take these classes that are a JOKE and start teaching me things I will need to know very soon when I am on my own. They need to find professors who don’t just read off the slides in a monotone voice and who can’t explain things well. There is such a lack of communication between the professors and students and administrators and clinical instructors and the organization of the program and most of the classes is ridiculous. We need more clinical application for the stuff they are teaching us. Oh, but go ahead and give us tuition money anyway. Oh and if you wanna go ahead and pay us tuition when you are working for free this summer and 3,000 miles away from campus that would be great too.

I’m sick of people saying obnoxious things to me just because I am a BYU fan. There is good-natured bantering between rival schools and then there is just straight up being jerks. I got a call from an anonymous individual mocking me after BYU lost. Please tell me what purpose a call like that serves. The only one I can see is to make me upset and that is absolutely deplorable. (I looked that word up in the thesaurus cuz I couldn’t come up with one that adequately described my feelings on the matter.)

I’m tired of people criticizing me. Some tell me I am lazy and always doing things for fun when I should be studying. It always seems that if I do something other than study all day, people are like, “How do you have time for that?” in a tone that seems condescending as if I am not working hard enough. Some tell me I need to live a little and make time for fun and constantly harass me to do what they want me to do, when they want me to do it and if I don’t call me a grumpy party-pooper. I’m not grumpy, you are just annoying! I’m tired of being made to feel guilty for not doing something when I have no obligation to do so (i.e. cleaning the Stadium, putting up bubbles, going on a date). My family will be okay if they aren’t served appetizers at my graduation—I don’t need to go out of my way to help put up a bubble if I already have commitments. The $4 an hour I get for doing it isn’t worth it to me. I’m tired of always doing something wrong or not doing enough and I’m tired of people telling me it. I’m tired of advice on how to live my life from people who a) don’t know me and b) don’t really care about me. They just think they are right.

Well, that is a thoroughly depressing post, but I feel much better after venting.

Also, this is really funny. Click on the link.

Anna Faris